i look at pictures of girls who i know IRL and think ‘i need to wear more makeup and eat less food.’ and this makes me feel bad, but also makes me angry with myself. not because i DO need to wear more makeup or eat less food, but because i realize that i apparently believe the idea that (no matter what i think i believe) pretty is “this way” and if you aren’t this way then you’re “that way” and that way is bad. and “this way” is also vivacious and fun and loud and sexual and completely open. but i am quiet and cautious and sensual and private. and eyeliner plus neverending meals of diet coke and cigarettes won’t magically make me any of those other things. and i know i know i know for sure that the best women i know are smart and funny and sexy without trying and often without thinking that they are any of those things. and i admire them, and i hope that i am one of them even in my times of doubt, and still and still AND STILL sometimes i think i should wear more makeup. and eat less food. and that shit sucks.
I’m reading Damn You Autocorrect, and as a result I will be adding two new words to my vocabulary: bitchtit and slutpies. If the iPhone thinks these are words that are accurately represented by the same initial letters as ‘business’ and ‘slurpies’ AND just randomly happens to have these aforementioned words in it’s dictionary, well, who am I to argue? Bitchtit.
either i’m drunk or this is amazing (aka i’m drunk and this is amazing.) i… OMG… youtube suggestion and now they’re dancing to ke$ha! can we all just have a dance party in israel? i’m srs.
What is it about Touch the Arm (TtA)? I think its because it has so much cultural cachet at this point, so obviously a subtle way for a woman to demonstrate interest, that as soon as a girl does it, it’s a one-way ticket to boner city. Nobody touches the arm accidentally. There is no platonic touch the arm. Touch the arm means only one thing: “I would like you, please, to ask me out on a date, cute boy. And not a ‘come over to my place and hang out we’ll have Kettle Corn and watch Up,’ well, bad example because actually that sounds awesome, but what I really want is for you to ask me out on a real date where it’s called a date and we go out in the world and you’re taking me because you want to be seen with me.” That’s what touch the arm means. So yes. Touch the arm.
sometimes, i feel like the only person who doesn’t know what’s going on.
often, i choose to hide rather than face the possibility that people will find out.
occasionally, i know i don’t know and i know everyone else knows i don’t know. and occasionally, i don’t care. and occasionally, i have the most amazing nights.
mostly, i wish i could be more like this.
“Within 15 minutes, my period and I walked out of the store with the stretchy, sequin-y minidress and a set of heavy silver arm bangles. I never wear bracelets, but there you have it. My period told me I needed them, because it likes shiny crap. In that respect, it’s actually a lot like a raccoon. (See also: garbage-eating.)”
Your dad knew how to rage before you did and his friends are still afraid to give him whiskey because of it. At about half past tipsy, the quiet giant bear child awoke from his sober slumber and became a shit ripping, F5 party tornado. Blacked out and filled with mistakes, he went down in party history each night his alter ego was released. His actions became party folk lore, making him the Johnny Appleseed of getting gnar balls.
So hipsters, next time you’re recanting a tale of intoxicated past and bragging about how awesome you were the previous night, remember this…
Your dad is the patron saint partying and the reason the term “that guy” exists.
Today’s awesome dad photo submitted by kevinfergus of the tumblrverse.
i’m pretty sure this describes my dad. and i like the phrase “half past tipsy.”
